Grime

I like grime

Cos it’s poetry

From my home town

And the stories it tells

connect with people like me

But that’s not meant to be

You see I’m

Well past my prime

Washed up wife

Just turned 35

Middle class; tryin’a be polite

But deep inside

The past keeps leaking like

I burst a pipe

And no one knows

It’s a tale I’ve got to hide

Cos I got a mortgage like

And I gotta fake this life

Till I get it right

When deep inside

I’m still a yute on a bike

Hitchin rides

Stealing highs

Playing with matches and kitchen knives

Killing the kid inside

Talking bout how we’ll die or end up

inside

Now I got kids

They’re my life

But I’m all mixed up inside

Et up inside

Can’t think can’t write

Can’t drink

Don’t wanna drive

Anxiety raging all the time

They say it’s okay, not to be okay

But what about when your not ok

Every fucking day

Your not the they they mean when they say

You should talk

About it

There’s no space

You can’t breath

Not waving

But drowning

So staring in solitary

Confinement at Stormzy’s

Your secret escape

Cos you get what they’re saying

You feel that frustration

And the beat in your brain

Cancels out all the chaos

The rhythm it holds

Transports and propels you

It’s not that I wanna go back

It’s just she never grew up

Street robbery right

Took her out of my sight

The lost boys the lost girls

lost years

Now it helps

To be mindful

I hear that

But I’ve always felt mindless

And if you don’t mind

I lost mine

Way back

When the school bell

Rang out

Like a death knell

And chained to my school skirt

Like Marley

In my own hell

I chased dreams and dragons

Prince Charming

Got shat on

I kept fighting

Kept battling

Hid my scars, kept my mask on

Trying to show I’m surviving

Blank it out

Don’t look back

Cos that’s not where you’re heading

But it’s just where my head is

Tho I keep

Tryna turn it

These turnstiles

Keep on returning

I’m burning

My bridges

My lips

So bright

Don’t stop shining

Cos I need your light

In the darkness

My iPhone

Glows out like a beacon

Of hope and connection

Of simple reflection

The selfie that’s in me’s a face

That I can’t see

As I lay my head down to rest in the nighttime

And I thank god almighty for all that he’s gave me

But heavy are the thoughts that weigh down upon me.